I DON'T LIKE

I wish to watch the changes that happens within a child when he grows. So that in way i can see myself.
I have a nephew who is of three year. I occationally play with him and observe him enjoying it and also his reactions which gives me joy and also lots of insights.

Recently I was playing with him, while playing I just threw him in air and caught him. The words he said was so shocking to me. He said “Mama, don’t do this to me, I am afraid”

When I did this when he was 2 or less he would ask me to repeat till I get tired. Now he says he is afraid.

Where does this fear come from?

After deep search I got an answer which I was ok with.
When he started to go out of home, we also started telling him about being cautious about strangers, new things, new happenings so that by the way he becomes more aware, more prepared to meet the new world.
Now as a result of that i see that he came to a conclusion that even believing his uncle is not fair.

Did we mean it?

But I am proud of him because he was bold enought to say that he was afraid. I would never say that.
He was bold enough to accept his fear.
Now i am waiting for the day to arive! The day when the guy would say to me 'mama don’t do it to me “I don’t like it”'.

DEAR UNCLE

Dear uncle!
My name is Susu; I am studying my 4th standard. Uncle I am confused of all happening here can you clarify it to me?

Yesterday it rained uncle, I did see lot of gap between the rain drops, Uncle can we move between the gaps, turn right and left and go without getting wet?

I was going out with mom in rain uncle, she was holding an umbrella. I asked her why to hold it, she said rain is bad and we will catch fever, but many times I heard her saying we are not getting enough rain and its hot outside.

When we were walking a car came and splashed water over us. I was so happy. The car went very fast, I could not ask for it again. But mom, scolded that car, I don’t know why.
Evening I went to shop with my dad, I was jumping out of joy to go to shop but he was not happy at all. He scolded mom for asking him to go to the shop.

In the shop I found many chocolates, but the shop keep never ate one. When I ask one he looks at my dad. He has to eat or he should give it to me!
Uncle I am so confused. Can you help me to understand?

With love

Susu

HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE!!!

I watch tv to be happy, watch movie to be happy, work hard to be happy, read to be happy, listen to music to be happy, play to be happy...

I dint see tv as i am not happy, dint watch movie as i am not happy, i dint go to work as i am not happy, dint listen to music as i am not happy, dint play as i am not happy...

I do something to be happy again i dont do the same as i am not happy... How can i do something for happiness and again cant do the same as i am not happy?

There is quest for happiness in all of my thoughts, work!Where is my happiness? Is it there in the work or the activities i do to be happy? or is it somewhere else within me? Are the activities the reason for my happiness or am i attaching reasons for my happiness?

My quest continues...

HEART TO HEART, SEVERAL MILES APART!!!

One of the most beautiful thought which i got from my guru!
One day in one of the discussion she gave a thought about the distance between two hearts.

Some times we shout at our dear ones or anyone even though they are physically nearby. Can’t they hear when we talk in normal tone of voice? Are they far that much?

It is not the matter of physical closeness. It is the matter of closeness of heart. When we are moving far from others internally we feel the pain, we feel not understood, not heard which makes us to should, yell with the hope that we would be heard at least by then.

Valuable thought. Now, here are the two questions that I am working on and might need your help in identifying them!

When we yell does it help us to hear to others or does it push further away from them?

What would happen when I am understood wrongly when I yell and the others get hurt?

----------------------- in the path of finding answer.

Non(Nominal) Violence

'Soft is hard' - i read it from

I AM AFRAID OF?

I was thinking of writing this blog!  Some fear was moving inside my heart.  That stopped me from writing it.  

I was afraid of???

I am trying to give shape to my feeling!!!  

Am i.....? No! Am I ...?

Am i afraid of others criticism?

........... Superficially Yes! But any way i am not going to publish it immediately. I am going to write it, again read then edit then i am going to publish it if it is good.  So i should not think while writing it.  But i am afraid to write it. 

Something is there beyond other's criticism?

Yes... I am not afraid of other's criticism but i am afraid of mine.  This is what i got from my heart. 

I am not ready to accept my failure, my mistake so i am not ready to write so that i would not expose my weakness or my mistake to myself.  That way i am secured. I am protected.

I want to expose me to myself. So i have to write this.  Yes, let me write and post it.  Then review it as a reader and comment it honestly....

regards

Subu

DO I LOVE ME?

Do I love me? It was bogging my mind! I dono! Some times I do… Some times I don’t…There were situations when I loved me most. In some situations I hate me a lot. When I loved me, I was in my full energy, full potential, I delivered my best! I thought the best. I contributed best to what ever I do. I explored myself. So I loved me still more.

But when I hate myself, I was depressed. I don’t know what to do. I doubted my potential. I did mistake in what all I did. Due to that I got negative comments about me from others. That made me hate myself still more. I was depressed. I felt the whole world above me; I was like a small drop which thinks it can’t make much difference as it is so small.

What can I do? I was so blank. I asked myself many times. Then I made a decision to love myself in spite of all odds. I would love me even I do mistake, I was wrong, when others criticize me. It was very hard decision. I struggled many times. I do get upset. But I had to do it for my good. So when ever I was in bad side I did something which I love which boosted my potential.

Then I gave time to myself and spoke to myself about me about my problem, about my positives. I gave more time to think on my positive side so that I am with me. Then slowly started working on my problems. Still working on it! Now I started accepting myself as I am.

After doing so I becoming clear, now when I do wrong I work on solutions rather than wandering around my problem.

Now I am in my journey towards loving me too much…