Power of POWER

Heared of wrong decisions made by people on POWER... Generally I had blamed the person on the position for the same. But an experience changed my perspective on it.

Often I do cycling on early morning. On the way i do get security checked by many dogs. Some screen me, some just bark, some run towards me and maintain safe distance (for both), and few chase me. Most of the occassions casual discussion while driving is enough to calm them. But some needs special attention, where i need to stop my cycle and prove them that I am not a threat.

On one such ride, my cycle's chain got disengaged. To avoid hands getting dirty, i used a stick nearby to fix it and continued my cycling. I carried the stick with me on the trip to meet such demands on the way.

The stick also boosted my feeling of powerful (I do not know why!). On the way when dogs barked at me, rather than initiating discussion, i felt annoyed. When more dogs did the same on the way, I got irritated and even thought of using the stick to drive them. It was not my usual way of handling the situation.

At that moment, i realized that a small stick gave me a sence of power that inturn made me too rude.

Till then, I thought that only person on power make mistakes but never thought that even sense of being powerful drives towards mistake...

Welcoming your views....

When do I negotiate?

 

Referring to my earlier blog on “Power of POWER”, I had mentioned an instance where I thought of using a stick on a barking dog rather than a dialogue which I normally do.

Adding to the through of Power, a question cropped in my mind on “Negotiation”. When do I or with whom do I normally initiate negotiation?

Mostly I feel of initiating negotiation on below situation

1.    When the other party has equal opportunity to win or has a favourable situation than       me.
2.    When I feel weaker than the other or the other person is powerful than me.
3.    When the other person is important to me.
4.    When the outcome of my action must be in my favour and where many other                  possibilities can happen which is not desired.

5.    To hide my fear and panic within me.

Reconnecting with the instance of barking dog, I use to initiate a dialogue by stopping my cycle, when I encountered a barking dog fearing its bite, and to display a false image of fearless guy. But once I got a stick in hand, the sense of power gave me more chance to win and a thought of violence or power took over.

A question to me from the thought………Can I negotiate even when I am powerful, even when I have most possibility to win, even when the other person is unknown and has no significant impact on me?

Handling Toxic People with Traditional Approach

 

In South India, Kolam (Rangoli) is drawn every day at entrance of house. Traditionally rice flour is used for the same. On thinking on its purpose, I could infer that it’s a process of keeping ants engaged outside the house so that they do not enter our house/disturb our daily life.

Though ants cannot be defined as toxic but when they disturb our business they are truly toxic at least to us. Can we have a similar approach with people who we feel toxic?

Avoiding or trying to eliminate toxic people may be too toxic. Instead, can we keep them engaged externally on any means so that they do not disturb our business or life?

Point to Ponder…………

Life is a Game...

I had good time watching my children playing chess. On watching the game i could connect on the game and life together. The game is to win the battle and keep the King protected. Players protect him to extent that even they are ready to lose the Queen for it. Queen seems to be most talented in the whole group, but for the sake of King's safety, Nobody can be spared! 

While connecting with Life.... I had few reflections... reflections are contradictory but yet I feel every relections adds value in a thought process and understanding .. 

1. Why should always King get prme importance, though you have Queen who is actual leader and  exercises all her power to stands in front to protect her kingdom!(Both in Life and Game)!

2. When Victory/Success is seen as important, we may lose all our loved ones (Losing does bot necessarily be losing of lfe, we concentrate on victory which eventually moves us far from family and its togetherness) Is victory more important than loved ones...? 

3. In many instances we act on wrong directions without even questioning (as the knight or queen or bishop move forward on king's instruction without understanding on the risk of the act and loss)... All the competence and skills gets wasted not because of the Leader but because of our decision of being silent and following the wrong instructions. 

4. Leader at most instance need to stay behind the battle and play a role of master mind in directing the team. 

5. Many a times the Lead/Head may not be technically competent(as King), but is if he has a good supportive partner and team he can succeed. 

Both Life and the Chess has similarity. All my reflections does not connect at a time but with various aspect of life at various time frames...

We can decide on how should we win... whether to lose all my loved ones for the sake of game/life or strike a balance.... Finally it's our Game/Life

Just Talk!

I thought confidence to talk needs some expertise and knowledge to do that. My daughter broke my
theory!

My daughter 'Vosaana' is An Year and 4 month old. She is in process of learning to talk and to understand our language.
Yesterday she spoke to me for more than 5 min, She was telling me something which I could hardly interpret or understand. She didn't even know that I could not understand her. She was interested in conveying her thoughts. I could feel her confidence to talk.

She made me to think in following grounds.
If she thinks of how I take it or what would I understand or what would I think of her if she were wrong then she would have never spoke to me or even she would never talk in the future too.

Thanks to the Nature that doesn't give those thoughts and feelings to children when they in their early childhood.

But when we grow we are taught to be right and never to do mistake because when we do mistakes our Self Image would be affected. Soon the learning process goes slow. Whenever there is need to talk our Self Image comes into picture and there is every chance of being speechless to preserve our
Self Image.

We can pretend that we are preserving our image by being speech less but actual inner self gets severe blows every time when we keep shut.

Choice is ours!

My daughter is my Guru who gave me the Insights!

Hurt

My friend hurts me
My parents hurt me
My sibblings hurt me
My wife, my kid, my relatives hurt me!

What is this hurt? Why it hurts me lot!

Inferior Dreams!

My mind says I am inferior! I am not competent to x, y, z! I started sobbing, depressing myself.

When I ask back whom I am inferior of? Where do you think I have to improve? How do you want me to be?

It says to all, in all areas, like every other!

It compares me with every one, for everything. Anyway I should be inferior to somebody in one or other things. But it doesn’t accept it. It compares with all possible.

I see my mom in new way. She compares me with others. Whether that guy is of my class or a level above or even below; she never cares about it. She needs their excellence in me. It has become so habitual that when my mom took back seat my mind started playing her part.

There is other guy within me who tries to help me and protect me from my mind. So he drags me apart from the reality.

He takes me to the dream world, where I am the superior. I would be the hero; all others are inferior to me. I am confident, competent, and would be in position where I can take charge of others.

I love to be there, and slowly start living there; I am totally isolated from real life.

When I realize that I am in my dreams and woke up I see myself left behind and inferior. Again my mind starts blaming me!

Can I start dreaming again to catch up with me?

Love at First Sight!

Every boy’s love starts at his school life, this is my belief. Many of them including me love their teacher who would be the first lady other than his mother who inspires him through their special concern, love and affection.

My first love is with my mathematics teacher Revathy***. She was so beautiful, loving, caring and affectionate, I feel smile in my face and elated heart when these memories peeps in.

I did lots to get her appreciation; solved many of my mathematic problems, would ask for more doubts, would sit in front row near her feet (we had no class rooms so we had to sit in ground and teacher would be sitting in chair in front of us); all to grab her attention and to get her appreciation.

When I rewind now I see myself funny, foolish! But I have to acknowledge that there was some search, longing within me which made me to act funny.

Deep inside was a longing for ideal love, ideal care, ideal affection which we got to know from our grandma stories. Some way in life stories remain only stories, so the longing remains inside which results in continual search for people around us who can fit to those roles. To me she was the ideal person.

Where is the problem, is it in those stories or in me?

Any way we need such pleasant memories to look back…

Love!!!

I am confused of what is love all about. is it giving or is it getting.

When i give am hurt, when i get i am being hurt.

Even after my love marriage i dont know what is love?

I want to stay connected, she wants to stay in touch.

For this silly reason we argue, fight, again love each other.

I would continue my silence when i get a critical question

"Do you really love me?"

Kiddy Attempt

I remember about my childhood suicide attempt. When i was 9 or ten year old i was very unhappy because to me it looked like my mom loved her daughter and not me. She often used to scold me. So i took it in that way and decided to suicide.

One way at that age i know was having "kalli Pal".
There was mixed emotion within me, fear of death and wanting to live. But my small mind too had ego! So it decided to take the doze. But instead of "kalli pal" i took "Arali pal". I thought it is a substitute also my inner said i should not die. At last my attempt failed as i dint die.

My next mission was to run away from home. Reason was very serious, i was denying my dinner and my mom forced to have it. That's where i decided i would leave my home as it was too much... i could not even have liberty to skip my dinner!!! I just said i am going out now and started walking out of my house. Again a fear came and i was afraid of outer world.
But my ego dint allow to stay back. So i walked, but slowly because i wished my mom would come and take me back. I was right. I dint even cross my street, my mom ran towards me and took me back.

I am now here to laugh at what i did, i can realize that i was wrong. But many kids are past it.They decide to kill themselves for such a penny things and lose their precious lives. We are here to make them live. But we teach them how to die through media or as a living examples. We pass comments like 'its hard to live', 'i struggled a lot to live', 'i fought for my bread' After hearing and seeing they feel killing self is easy than living.

And another worst thing now is I got my parents with me when i attempted to run away or die or what ever. But unfortunately many kids are alone in their home as both of their parents are working.

So while killing their time they kill themselves too.

I DON'T LIKE

I wish to watch the changes that happens within a child when he grows. So that in way i can see myself.
I have a nephew who is of three year. I occationally play with him and observe him enjoying it and also his reactions which gives me joy and also lots of insights.

Recently I was playing with him, while playing I just threw him in air and caught him. The words he said was so shocking to me. He said “Mama, don’t do this to me, I am afraid”

When I did this when he was 2 or less he would ask me to repeat till I get tired. Now he says he is afraid.

Where does this fear come from?

After deep search I got an answer which I was ok with.
When he started to go out of home, we also started telling him about being cautious about strangers, new things, new happenings so that by the way he becomes more aware, more prepared to meet the new world.
Now as a result of that i see that he came to a conclusion that even believing his uncle is not fair.

Did we mean it?

But I am proud of him because he was bold enought to say that he was afraid. I would never say that.
He was bold enough to accept his fear.
Now i am waiting for the day to arive! The day when the guy would say to me 'mama don’t do it to me “I don’t like it”'.

DEAR UNCLE

Dear uncle!
My name is Susu; I am studying my 4th standard. Uncle I am confused of all happening here can you clarify it to me?

Yesterday it rained uncle, I did see lot of gap between the rain drops, Uncle can we move between the gaps, turn right and left and go without getting wet?

I was going out with mom in rain uncle, she was holding an umbrella. I asked her why to hold it, she said rain is bad and we will catch fever, but many times I heard her saying we are not getting enough rain and its hot outside.

When we were walking a car came and splashed water over us. I was so happy. The car went very fast, I could not ask for it again. But mom, scolded that car, I don’t know why.
Evening I went to shop with my dad, I was jumping out of joy to go to shop but he was not happy at all. He scolded mom for asking him to go to the shop.

In the shop I found many chocolates, but the shop keep never ate one. When I ask one he looks at my dad. He has to eat or he should give it to me!
Uncle I am so confused. Can you help me to understand?

With love

Susu

HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE!!!

I watch tv to be happy, watch movie to be happy, work hard to be happy, read to be happy, listen to music to be happy, play to be happy...

I dint see tv as i am not happy, dint watch movie as i am not happy, i dint go to work as i am not happy, dint listen to music as i am not happy, dint play as i am not happy...

I do something to be happy again i dont do the same as i am not happy... How can i do something for happiness and again cant do the same as i am not happy?

There is quest for happiness in all of my thoughts, work!Where is my happiness? Is it there in the work or the activities i do to be happy? or is it somewhere else within me? Are the activities the reason for my happiness or am i attaching reasons for my happiness?

My quest continues...

HEART TO HEART, SEVERAL MILES APART!!!

One of the most beautiful thought which i got from my guru!
One day in one of the discussion she gave a thought about the distance between two hearts.

Some times we shout at our dear ones or anyone even though they are physically nearby. Can’t they hear when we talk in normal tone of voice? Are they far that much?

It is not the matter of physical closeness. It is the matter of closeness of heart. When we are moving far from others internally we feel the pain, we feel not understood, not heard which makes us to should, yell with the hope that we would be heard at least by then.

Valuable thought. Now, here are the two questions that I am working on and might need your help in identifying them!

When we yell does it help us to hear to others or does it push further away from them?

What would happen when I am understood wrongly when I yell and the others get hurt?

----------------------- in the path of finding answer.

Non(Nominal) Violence

'Soft is hard' - i read it from

I AM AFRAID OF?

I was thinking of writing this blog!  Some fear was moving inside my heart.  That stopped me from writing it.  

I was afraid of???

I am trying to give shape to my feeling!!!  

Am i.....? No! Am I ...?

Am i afraid of others criticism?

........... Superficially Yes! But any way i am not going to publish it immediately. I am going to write it, again read then edit then i am going to publish it if it is good.  So i should not think while writing it.  But i am afraid to write it. 

Something is there beyond other's criticism?

Yes... I am not afraid of other's criticism but i am afraid of mine.  This is what i got from my heart. 

I am not ready to accept my failure, my mistake so i am not ready to write so that i would not expose my weakness or my mistake to myself.  That way i am secured. I am protected.

I want to expose me to myself. So i have to write this.  Yes, let me write and post it.  Then review it as a reader and comment it honestly....

regards

Subu

DO I LOVE ME?

Do I love me? It was bogging my mind! I dono! Some times I do… Some times I don’t…There were situations when I loved me most. In some situations I hate me a lot. When I loved me, I was in my full energy, full potential, I delivered my best! I thought the best. I contributed best to what ever I do. I explored myself. So I loved me still more.

But when I hate myself, I was depressed. I don’t know what to do. I doubted my potential. I did mistake in what all I did. Due to that I got negative comments about me from others. That made me hate myself still more. I was depressed. I felt the whole world above me; I was like a small drop which thinks it can’t make much difference as it is so small.

What can I do? I was so blank. I asked myself many times. Then I made a decision to love myself in spite of all odds. I would love me even I do mistake, I was wrong, when others criticize me. It was very hard decision. I struggled many times. I do get upset. But I had to do it for my good. So when ever I was in bad side I did something which I love which boosted my potential.

Then I gave time to myself and spoke to myself about me about my problem, about my positives. I gave more time to think on my positive side so that I am with me. Then slowly started working on my problems. Still working on it! Now I started accepting myself as I am.

After doing so I becoming clear, now when I do wrong I work on solutions rather than wandering around my problem.

Now I am in my journey towards loving me too much…